Do you know what the term „high need baby” means? It is a child who needs more. More attention, more cuddling, more mommy.

Perhaps you may even have found some kind of comfort in this phrase when you haven’t slept for the third night in a row, trying to put your baby to sleep. You may also be one of those lucky ones, whose child has been sleeping all night long since it was three months old.

Regardless of whether your little one needs a great deal of closeness or if a good night kiss is enough for him, you’re behind all of this. Mother. Mum. Mommy. Have you ever thought of your needs? I am not talking about all the nonsense of everyday life or advice that all of your good friends, Mrs Smith from the greengrocer’s and other pregnant women in the waiting room at the doctor’s office have given you. Have you asked yourself what You need or maybe you still have a sister’s voice in your head, who tells you that the most important thing is to throw away these worn out sweatpants, put on a make-up mask day after day? Or your mother’s voice, who stubbornly repeats: „darling, go out, meet some people, buy yourself something nice, paint your nails red, and everything will return to normal”. I know what you’re thinking right now.

I wonder what will happen to all these „high need babies” when they grow up. One will become a manager in an international company, another a writer and the third a politician. It doesn’t matter. I am curious about what will happen to their needs. Emotions. Perhaps the manager of an international company will grow out of being a „high need baby”, if it is possible at all. And if he is permanently feeling more and craving more, he will try to fill this emotional emptiness. He’s very likely to plunge into crazy parties, looking for a thrilling experience, loving blondes on weekdays and brunettes on holidays. However, I am an optimist and I imagine a different scenario. I believe that with his extraordinary emotional intelligence, he will become a leader. One that is supported by people, not just figures. A businessman who does not pursue his goals at any cost and knows that his secretary is not his property and has her private life.

More and more adults are feeling confused. They rush from one bus to another. They wait nervously in queues to pay for take-away coffee. They rush, though they do not know why and where. They go to work because they have to work, although their stomachs hurt because of the stress. To just reach Friday, away from what reminds them of the grey reality. They do not know what they want from life and how to get it. Adults, who should have found their place long time ago, to set an example to those they are leading by hand to kindergarten. Adults who do not know what gives their lives meaning, but want to accomplish great things.

{I am one of you. I, too, am in a hurry. I’ve lost myself a long time ago, but I’m still looking. I started a long journey, with many obstacles. Because of being High Need Woman, the bar rises to a higher level by itself. I have great needs, a lot of indescribable emotions that are waiting in line to be arranged, stored in the wardrobe and put to use at the right moment. Being a demanding woman does not sound good. But it IS good! It is not just about having expectations. It is all about expecting and releasing the same thing into the world. This is a whole range of beautiful feelings that you can simply share.

My mother always tells me how much I used to like hugging when I was little. I did not leave her for a second. I still remember falling asleep on her lap when she was talking on a landline phone, even though we were three steps away from my bed. I simply didn’t want to let her go. When she was leaving, I would sleep with her shirt to always have her smell with me. As I was a little older, I had a box where I hid all my precious memorabilia. Tickets to the cinema, to a film I didn’t watch, because my first boyfriend bothered me, stealing kisses. Dry leaves of pink orchid that fell as unexpectedly as they appeared, and I desperately tried to preserve the beauty of this gift. There was a time when I was gathering everything that could remind me of the beautiful moments of the past. I was clinging to these little objects, those treasures full of good emotions.

Today, I no longer need a piece of fabric to fall asleep. Neither a dry flower to evoke positive emotions. But it doesn’t mean that my need for closeness has decreased. It has simply changed direction. To this day I love hugging my mother, but I’m looking for a different kind of closeness. In my daughter’s small hands, in the hugs of friends. In people. In the world. In myself. This has never disappeared, although I tried to silence this need. This is being written by a conscious woman. I am gradually becoming one and I am fascinated by this phenomenon. Each day brings me a puzzle to solve. A mystery concerning myself, and it is up to me to decide whether I will give it a lick and promise or whether I will sit down in silence, talk to myself and try to understand myself. I know I need more, better and stronger. But is this wrong? I think that you can’t exaggerate with good emotions. They act as a light that attracts others. It’s good to have a supply of them in case of an emergency, they work well with a blanket and hot chocolate during cold autumn evenings. I am a High Need Woman, I have a great need for closeness, tenderness, acceptance. And at last I know that it’s a good thing!

They have been associated with cellulite, motherhood, life after 40 and general negligence. In fact, stretch marks do not appear on women’s and mature skin, but they also occur among teenagers or men. So why are we still ashamed of them?

Where do these stretch marks come from?
What have we done wrong? This question is probably a source of annoyance to many of us. Seeing the spindle strands on our thighs, breasts or buttocks, we wonder whether we did not care enough about our skin, nourishment and our body? Are these unaesthetic lines, which destroy the ideal statue of our womanhood, our fault? The answer to all these dilemmas is no. If such marks are on your body, then apparently they had to appear there. They are no longer just „on” your skin, but they are your skin – an integral part of it, whether you want it or not.

Since we have already explained that we definitely had no influence on this, it is worth asking ourselves another question: why the hell have they appeared at all?

We do not need to experience pregnancy in order for such scars to appear on our body. Stretch marks are the result of the inability of our body to keep up with the changes that affect it and reshape it in every possible way. In the event of a sudden change of weight in a short time or due to hormonal disorders, the skin doesn’t keep up. We are not to blame for anything, and stretch marks are something completely natural. Sometimes they are called the „symbol of womanliness”, although it’s no determinant – let’s not go from one extreme to the other; you don’t need them to feel like a woman. Stretch marks should not be perceived as something bad, but as a possible, natural element of our existence, like freckles or birthmarks.

Time for coming out
More and more women, including celebrities, decide to show their bodies, which don’t necessarily look like from the cover of a glamorous magazine. Such coming out’s are sometimes sensational – as if stretch marks were something totally unusual and admitting to their presence required an impossible amount of courage. It is not only public figures such as John Legend’s wife, Chrissy Teigen, for example, who decide on such a (publicised) step, but the world’s brands are also trying to overcome the taboo. ASOS, a well- known British clothing company, has recently launched a campaign related to the collection of swimwear. The bodies of the models have not been retouched; scars from acne or stretch marks are clearly visible. As it seems, it pays off to be real because instead of a wave of negative opinions, the campaign met with a very positive feedback.

Independent artists also try to make their contribution. The twenty-one- year-old artist from Spain, Zineta, is now using her entire career to break the silence. She battles sexism by taking subtle photos of women’s breasts from behind delicate flowers. She tries to show that menstrual leakage is simply something that happens. Zineta has also developed a project concerning female stretch marks. Using paints, she coloured the female stretch marks, not covering or masking them, but paying special attention to them. She says that scars are unique and make each of us exceptional.

Between shame and rivalry
Some time ago, I posted a photo of a fragment of my thigh on Instagram, where these small, bright bolts of lightning are visible. I received a lot of feedback; from questions from the guys whether I can send them this photo without panties, through praise and rebuke concerning my „courage”, to questions from young girls who do not know exactly what it is, and have seen identical scars on their bodies. They don’t ask their mothers because usually mature women clearly associate the problem and occurrence of stretch marks with pregnancy, not the possibility of them appearing during adolescence or in result of eating disorders, which often affect teenagers. And that is partly why it is so important to speak loudly about stretch marks.

Natalia, who runs the Pink Candy channel on YouTube, where she speaks about sex and sexuality, has recently posted a picture of her stretch marks on the fanpage of the channel. In the description she briefly described a situation in which a viewer confessed that she is afraid to undress herself in front of her boyfriend because of the stretch marks. Under the post, among many positive comments, there were also some valuating ones – those in which women, as if they were competing to be the one with the biggest scars, discussing which ones are already shaming. This rivalry, („she hasn’t seen the true stretch marks yet”; as if bigger ones were supposed to be real, and the smaller ones fictitious and meaningless) shocked and frustrated me – when did it happen that we, the women, started to fight with each other instead of supporting and motivating one another?

Stretch marks cannot be ugly when they are yours
Whether or not we have stretch marks, and if so, how big, should not matter. What is important is what we have in our minds and whether we have an internal problem with them. Nobody – a guy in front of whom we plan to undress, beach-goers on towels next to us or friends at the changing room – is likely to have a problem with whether and how many scars we have. Everything – fears, worries and anxieties are in our minds. It is up to us whether we want to get rid of them.

On the right wrist I have a scar after three stitches. Once, when I was a child, as a part of the fun with my friends, I pushed the door to my room, which had little glass windows. When I look at this small, healed ladder, I smile every time and remember this foolishness. I love this scar just as I love scars on my thighs, underneath my briefs. They haven’t been created out of stupidity, but by nature and are an integral part of me. They are beautiful, because they’re mine.