The truth is that a baby is happy when its mom is nearby.

Let’s start with the fact that each of us has different needs in this matter. Each of us needs something different to feel fulfilled. For most of us, the role of a mother is just one of the roles we want to play in our lives. For some, the most important thing is career, for others it’s a relationship with a loved one. All the answers are correct here. There are also women for whom motherhood itself is the most significant role in society.

I’m one of them. Like Wonder Woman – I am Mother Woman.

In principle, all the other roles that I play in life serve as ornaments, supplements to this one, the most important. However, it doesn’t mean I have no ambition and I want to be just that all my life. I used to live without a child and I was pretty good at it.

I’ve always wanted to create. Probably this very need has motivated me to get a job when I felt I was ready for it. Return to work after maternity leave is less painful now than a few years ago. We can enjoy quality time with our child a little longer. Caring for a toddler is not a walk in the park. It’s easier to compare it to going through a ton of coal. And the pay is zero. By the way, setting the issue of dough aside, even though cash is usually the most determinant factor, the decision to return to work for most of us is, to varying extent, difficult.

I’m still under the impression that I have abandoned my children even after a year and a half, and my younger daughter is almost three years old. For some mothers, their job is another child and they feel lucky to be able to both look after a baby and work right after birth. Each of us feels this topic differently, and it’s okay. It’s important to feel good about your decisions.

I’m happy to be a working mom because work provides me with a different perspective. It gives me financial freedom. A little rest and independence. I try to spend the few hours I have left every day as close to my children as possible, and I don’t want to waste that time on anything else, even if it is something I need in order to lift my mood. He winds me up when I hear the slogan „happy mom means happy baby” because the truth is that a baby is happy when its mom is nearby. Children don’t need anything else to be happy. And this slogan is exploited too often. I don’t claim that we are to be locked in shackles and be slaves of maternity 24 hours a day until the child becomes an adult. Each of us deserves a moment of relaxation and to be alone with our thoughts from time to time. As far as I’m concerned, it means that we’re obliged to maintain a healthy balance. Because we are as much important as the child. But when it comes to women who work full time, and yet they attend yoga sessions, language workshops and on
weekends they drop their children at the grandparents’ to get some rest, I wonder whether I should suggest giving their children up for adoption.

Child can’t be a supplement to life. This slogan has become an excuse for some women. And according to certain mothers, this moment of peace, which every one of us dreams of, should last practically all the time. You can’t have your cake and eat it too. Even more so, get a great shape afterwards.

Dear Moms, especially those exhausted after work, you deserve a medal, you deserve a golden crown, you deserve a rest. But you may have to wait a bit until you get it all. It might take a long time. Unfortunately, the universe favours balance. Fatigue comes in the same package with those sweet feet, small hands entwining our necks and every „I love you, mom”. It must have been on the contract somewhere, in small print probably, because I didn’t read it, either.

It will be easier for You and Your children to be together when you come to terms with it. And instead of thinking again about your unfulfilled evening plans and how much you’ve had enough of everything, consider that for your child you are the centre of the universe. And the only thing it wants, is to be close. So even if your day is difficult, the drama at work gets overwhelming and you hate everything, just hold your little treasure tighter. These few years when they actually need you will pass so fast, that it will be too late to show them that you are always there for them before you know it. Because that’s how it is, right?

Zadie Smith, British writer, author of the bestselling „White Teeth” has been recently caught in the spotlight because of the „15 minute rule” she established at her home. During the Edinburgh Literary Festival, Smith confessed that her 7-year- old daughter can’t spend more than 15 minutes in front of the mirror.

– „You’re wasting your time. Your brother is not going to waste any time doing this. Every day of his life he will put a shirt on, he’s out the door and he doesn’t give a sh** if you waste an hour and a half doing your makeup.” – she explained her idea. Metaphorical or not, the problem is real – the WHO study shows that 52% of Polish 8-year- olds (sic!) are not happy with their body. Can pulling these girls away from mirrors be the way to improve these statistics?

Among numerous comments made by Smith’s statement, the most indignant fact was that a 7-year-old can do makeup at all. It should be noted, however, that easy access to YouTube and makeup tutorials gaining millions of views cause even the youngest of children to start „the adventure with makeup”, as this YouTuber girl puts it. It is difficult to state with certainty whether Smith spoke about the real rule, or maybe it was a metaphorical approach to the author’s way to raise her daughter – you are beautiful, and you will always be, no matter what they try to tell you on TV.

First of all, there is nothing wrong with doing makeup. Except for extreme cases (vide – 7-year-old who spends more than 15 minutes in front of a mirror a day), this „ritual” has been celebrated for millennia. At the court of Egyptian Pharaoh, Totmes III, women used eye pencils and blush, among others. Makeup is a tool for conscious self-creation that can improve self-confidence and help build relations. Before we can blink, our brain performs a facial or hair density analysis of the newly encountered person, and in a millisecond it evaluates whether we like them or not. It is possible to partially influence this process (if we care). However, if we put makeup into the category of taking caring for yourself, it is difficult to blame someone who finds this pleasant.  No one deprives the boys of the need to use the gym, to shape the muscles or get tattoos, grow beards and take care of them or carefully matching the individual pieces of clothing. We consider it culturally normal; So why do we throw the baby out with the bathwater and stigmatize makeup entirely?

The problem starts when the (increasingly younger) girls use makeup to cope with the pressure to be beautiful. According to a study conducted by the World Health Organization, 52% of Polish 8-year- olds is not satisfied with their body. 61% of 15-year- old Polish women consider themselves too fat (HBSC report). Maybe it has some actual grounds? No way – just 7% of the 15-year- olds have a real problem with being overweight. It’s plausible that trying to ban the mirror after 15 minutes will bring the opposite effect. So it would seem sensible to take a step back and reflect, where the need for this time-consuming process of correcting own appearance comes from. Parent’s role is to reinforce positive self-esteem in child, enough to balance the intrusive marketing message.

Obviously, this issue is complex. In the United States alone, the cosmetic industry generates over 60 billion dollars a year. However, only a small percentage of this amount is spent on marketing – magazine covers, entire magazines, editorials, star interviews, suggestive sponsored articles. The famous cover of two magazines for teens – for boys and girls – which circulated the world last year is all too meaningful in this context:

Anyway, this is no news – this type of content is the norm. During her speech at TEDx, Reshma Saujan, originator of the „Girls can code”, drew attention to the way in which we educate girls. In general, they are taught perfection, while the boys are taught courage (which is perfectly visible on the aforementioned covers). This perfection manifests itself in the obsessive care of one’s own appearance as well as in the accomplishment of the entrusted tasks. In risky situations, adult women abandon their goals – fearing failure. As we all know, only those who never take any action can lose – and this may partly explain the scandalously low percentage of women on supervisory boards or in IT companies.

Maybe the ban in place at Zadie Smith’s home is a bit too aggressive in its expression, but it draws attention to a serious problem – if the time that women devote to improving their looks could be invested in following their dreams and courageous plans, how many glass ceilings would they break?